Deserving of Your Love
by aznstarangel
Summary: "...no one is deserving of Kurama and his love." YAOI Hiei/Kurama
1. Default Chapter

StarAngel: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I'm back! Well...... at least I wrote a new fic...... I can't work on "Turning Away Love blah blah blah" right now (I gotta get another title.......) There's nothing to write for that fic. So I kinda had to throw all my inspiration that I somewhat had into this fic.  
  
Hiei: Like you had any inspiration.  
  
StarAngel: I DID! *whispers* not much...... BUT I DID!!!!!  
  
Hiei: Yeah..... sure.......  
  
StarAngel: *crosses arms* Ignore him. Anyway, as I was saying..... "Turning away blah blah blah" will probably be um.......... continued a couple years from now? Yeah....... So read this fic and I hope u all enjoy!  
  
Hiei: did u forget something?  
  
StarAngel: what? What did I forget?  
  
Hiei: The disclaimer?  
  
StarAngel: *grins* nope! I dun need a disclaimer. I NOW OWN YU YU HAKUSHO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hiei: yeah right. In your dreams.  
  
StarAngel: Actually in my dreams, I dream about Kurama and you without your shirts on a stage entertaining all us fan girls out here.  
  
Hiei: o.O  
  
StarAngel: ^_^ yup yup that's what I dream about.  
  
Hiei: Just write the disclaimer! Your stupid author's notes are getting longer than the actual fic!  
  
StarAngel: awwwwwww. Say it for me Hiei??  
  
Hiei: Hn  
  
StarAngel: PLEASE!!!!!!!  
  
Hiei: *mumbles* aznstarangel does not own Yu Yu Hakusho. We belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, because if we did belong to starangel we'd all be on TV acting out her dre-- WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!?  
  
StarAngel: ENJOY THE FIC!!! *runs away*  
  
Hiei: COME BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Deserving of Your Love  
  
By aznstarangel  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'I love you...'  
  
Those words were repeated in my mind and echoed within the depths of my soul. They reverberated over and over, threatening to consume me in their meaning.  
  
'I love you...'  
  
They were said again and I covered my head with my hands. Who would have thought that I, the forbidden child, the tamer of the Kokuryuuha, would turn in fear at three small words?  
  
'I love you...'  
  
Damn him and his human emotions! Damn his kindred heart, his spirit that drew me to him. His alluring beauty that has captured many others in his grasp. Even in his weak ningen form, still he acquires the attention of many humans and demons alike. Hn. Kurama.... still they long for you, and still they wait for you. But you came to me, and confessed a feeling of love... Why?  
  
I had pondered his feelings towards me for a long time. His ever-healing hand was always upon me, and his gentle voice comforted me and gave me advice in many situations, though I never listened to all of it. I had felt some sort of a signal, of him wanting to be more than friends, but I had never expected him to act on it. The fact that he was a youko in his past life rid my mind of any thought that he would be willing to form a commitment to a single person.  
  
'I love you...'  
  
And he changed that impression with three words...  
  
'I love you...'  
  
I had heard these words from the beautiful kitsune before, though not in my consciousness; after another one of those missions, on which everyone had been seriously hurt. Even the skilled youko had gotten his fair share of cuts and bruises. And what had happened to me? I was hit full blast with the demon's youki and then used the rest of mine to destroy him with my black dragon. That attack had rendered me unconscious and the next time I awoke, I was in the fox's bed, with him bandaging my right arm and covering my Jagan eye with a ward.  
  
~*1st Flashback*~  
  
Slowly, I opened my eyes. A blurry crimson mass was the first sight that met my eyes. Then when my vision cleared, I saw that it was Kurama, his head was turned away from me and he was looking out the window. I saw his reflection in the clear glass, watching as I saw two crystalline tears slide down his porcelain face from his emerald green eyes.  
  
It was then that I registered the fact that the kitsune was speaking. His thin, pale lips were moving slightly and it took my ears no time to adjust to the quietness of his voice. I suppose he thinks I'm still asleep, for the youko was talking about me.  
  
"Why do you hurt yourself on purpose? Is it a requirement for you to be so violent? Why do you make me worry so? Do you want me to suffer in this world without you? Don't you see my feelings? Can't you tell that..... I love you.......?"  
  
The last three words were whispered, but even so, I had heard them. Just barely, but I still heard them. My eyes widened in shock as his eyes did the opposite. Kurama's eyes closed, allowing the tears that were lingering on the bottom of his eyelids make small, wet tracks down the side of his cheeks.  
  
Probably sensing my awakening, Kurama started to turn around. I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to sleep as his beautiful, leaf green orbs were directed towards me. I tried to fall back asleep and decided that what he had said was of no concern towards me. It was probably just a mistake, something I misunderstood. Besides, he didn't exactly say my name. He might have been talking about someone else.  
  
For some weird reason, my heart lurched at that last thought........  
  
~*End Flashback*~  
  
"Damn it!" I yelled as I banged my hand on the trunk of the tree I was standing on.  
  
Don't I wish that I had just been hearing things. Don't I wish that what the fox said were just a hallucination, an illusion of my unconscious mind. But no...... The fox just had to go and confirm my fears, my hate, my desire....  
  
~*2nd Flashback*~  
  
"Hiei, how are you holding up?"  
  
"Hn"  
  
Stupid question. The oaf, Kuwabara, had just married Yukina. How did the fox think I was holding up?! I was about to punch a wall out. And I would have if it weren't for the look of happiness in Yukina's eyes.  
  
Instead I just set my cup on fire...  
  
"Does that answer your question?"  
  
Kurama blinked a few times and then told me to follow him outside to the courtyard in front of Genkai's temple. Having nothing better to do, I followed him. Besides, I needed to get away from Yukina and the stupid oaf. I couldn't stand the fact that the idiot was going to take Yukina away from me.  
  
"Hiei..."  
  
Kurama's alto voice had dragged me out of my thoughts and back to reality. I saw that now we were standing under a sakura tree, its petals were blown by a slight wind, making them fall around us. Maybe it was planned by the clever kitsune, or maybe it was pure coincidence, but either way it made him look........  
  
"Hiei..."  
  
For the second time, Kurama's voice had pulled me out of my reverie. He ran a hand through his hair, the supple strands gliding between his long fingers. He started to walk closer to me until we stood side by side. I didn't think of it as abnormal at first. I mean, we were best friends and we did stand next to each other a lot. So I thought nothing of the closeness of our bodies... until they got even closer.  
  
I found myself staring up into his deep green orbs, with his finger beneath my chin.  
  
"Kurama, what the he--"  
  
I was cut off when I felt his lips against mine.  
  
At first, I stood, frozen to the spot and unable to move, unable to comprehend what was happening. Kurama was kissing me. His lips moved eagerly against mine and snapped me out of my stupor. I couldn't take all these emotions. I didn't want to understand what he was trying to tell me through the kiss.  
  
Hoping it was all a mistake, I pulled away from the kitsune. The emotions he was sending me through the kiss, they weren't right. They weren't real. They couldn't be real. I couldn't give into the stupid ningen feelings. They were a weakness. Hoping that he didn't see the small breach in my barrier, I put another wall around my heart and stared at Kurama straight in the eye.  
  
"Hiei... I..."  
  
"What the hell was that Kurama?"  
  
I saw the fox's eyes widen as pain filled his eyes.  
  
"Hiei... I... I..."  
  
"You what Kurama? What?" I was growing impatient. I wanted to know what gave the kitsune his stupid idea that he actually had the audacity to kiss me!  
  
"I..."  
  
"SPIT IT OUT KURAMA. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!"  
  
"I WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!" the kitsune bursted out.  
  
My eyes widened at his last statement. No... he can't... he... didn't just say that...  
  
"I want you Hiei." His voice had lowered to a whisper. "I... I love you."  
  
I couldn't take all these emotions, all these unknown feelings that were now filling my heart. So, as a last resort, I ran.  
  
~*End Flashback*~  
  
DAMN THAT STUPID KITSUNE!!!!!! Why couldn't he have just left it as it was? When it was us as just friends and nothing more. That baka, stirring up emotions inside of me that I thought had long been forgotten. They had not been within me since the day the koorime threw me off the floating island for being a product of a male and a female mating, for being and omen, a taboo for all demons and humans alike.  
  
And yet a youko, one of the most desired for a mate, had come to me, and told me that he loved me.  
  
I contemplated this thought in my head. A youko, the infamous Youko Kurama no less, had chosen me to be the one to whom he will give his heart to. Hn. The kitsune really is a baka. Doesn't he know that there is no point in loving me? That I cannot be near anyone that I care for because of who I am, and because of who is after me?  
  
The stupid fox.  
  
I found myself standing on the tree near Kurama's window. His back was turned toward me, crimson hair showing off many highlights as the sunlight hit the mass of silky strands and made them shimmer. His shoulders were shaking in attempt to stop the tears from flowing down his flawless cheeks. It had been four days since his confession of love, and still he hurts.  
  
Did I mean that much to him?  
  
I left before I gave in to the small voice that told me to go in and comfort him; the small voice that told me to hold him in my arms, and then kiss him with a fiery passion so that my inner feelings could be released. But I didn't...  
  
I can no longer deny the fact that I do not have feelings for the seductive fox demon, for I do. But who am I to take the heart of one so precious? One so longed for in all of the three worlds? I am no one. Compared to the many lovers the youko has had before, I am but a speck of dust, blown away by the wind, never to be found again.  
  
He will find someone else. With his intellect, skills, and beauty, he'll find one that is more worthy of him than I. I will not corrupt what I have not deserved, nor will I stay around to see the one that will. For no one is deserving of Kurama and his love.  
  
No one.  
  
Especially not me...  
  
~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~ Owari ~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~  
  
A/N: StarAngel: Wow, what an angsty ending... I don't usually write angst, so if this is bad... sorry...  
  
Hiei: What kinda of fic is that? You made me weak!  
  
StarAngel: I HAD NO CHOICE!!  
  
Hiei: YOU'RE THE AUTHOR! OF COURSE YOU HAVE A CHOICE!  
  
StarAngel: oh... that's right...  
  
Hiei: -_-() baka ningen  
  
StarAngel: hmph. Anyway, if u want a sequel, I guess I could do one in Kurama's POV and make it a non-angsty ending. I dunno. My specialty is fluff, so this is my "experiment" in angst. It's still somewhat fluff-ish isn't it?  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
StarAngel: well, read and review! And vote for a sequel or not! ^_^  
  
Luvvies! 3 


	2. SEQUEL!

Hello!!!!!!! ^_^  
  
For those of you loyal readers who liked this fic, I suppose it's time I told those of you that... THERE IS A SEQUEL TO THIS FIC!!!!!!! I guess you people only look for Titles of fics and not author pen names but I've had it out for a while. So just incase you didn't see it on ff.net, THERE IS A SEQUEL!!! It's called "My Desire."  
  
Alright... fanfiction.net is being mean and won't let me upload the link/hyperlink code or even the plain text of the code... so I hope you can all bear with me and my misunderstanding of computers and just go look for the sequel. -_-() GOMEN NASAI!!!!!!!  
  
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! I hope you all enjoy my sequel!  
  
LUVVIES!!!!! 3 


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